Exactly a week from today I went to see a person speak who has had an important impact on my life. James Loney spoke at the University of Toronto's peace week, and I had the privilege of going to hear him. I was surprised at how much he talked about his time in captivity, he was very open and honest, even when it appeared to be painfully so.
I thought I had made a post about Loney's situation previously, but I guess I never actually published it. So here's the background: Loney was one of four Christian Peacemakers who was taken hostage in Iraq. The events that occurred with Loney and the others caused me to deeply question what it meant to be a Christian and whether I could lay down my own life and comfort in the name of Christ.
In "traditional" evangelicalism, I had been forced to think through such a scenario before. Many books (such as the Left Behind series) forced me to ask if I could give up my life for my beliefs. What always bothered me was that my answer was always no. How could I give up my life for a
belief when that is all it was? My beliefs did not direct me to take positive action. If anything, they only gave me negative directives (abstain from all "worldly" things - except capitalism). The only real positive direction my belief gave me was to go out and try to rationally convince people that what I believed was right. I never felt comfortable doing that either.
As I developed, and particularly as I began reading liberation theology, I began to experience a fundamental shift in my beliefs. My faith in Christ no longer had to do with negative moral imperatives. Rather, I found that I was commanded to care for the poor and the oppressed (about 2,000 times - though quantitative arguments in and of themselves are not of much value). Around the same time, four men were kidnapped while trying to answer this call themselves. The Christian Peacemakers work out of the assumption that if men and women are willing to give their lives for their beliefs (both for nation and religion) in war that they would also be willing to give their lives for peace.
Their actions again caused me to ask myself if I was willing to give my life for my beliefs, but this time for beliefs that made a difference to my neighbor. (Not just particularly my neighbor, but my neighbor who is suffering). Unfortunately, I am still unsure that I can answer that question as they did. I hope that I would be able, but I find myself giving the excuse that I am in grad school. Of course, I constantly question whether or not I ought to be in grad school, taking advantage of my privileged status in the world, but I do truly believe that in teaching I will be able to make a significant difference. While I tell myself this, it still feels empty when so many are starving as a result of my desire for cheap sugar, clothes, etc.
This post was supposed to report on what Loney said, but apparently the impact of his actions were more severe than his words the other night. I
will say that I was able to shake his hand at the end of the lecture (or confession) and attempt to express what his work has meant to me. I get incredibly nervous around people (particularly people I respect), so it was all I could do to go to the front and talk to him (suddenly I am reminded of the alter calls of my youth). However, I did make it and waited for what felt like forever behind a woman who had just given him a gift (I believe it was a pin. It was strange, many people seemed to have gifts for him in the form of t-shirts and the like). I told him that the events he was involved in had a great impact on my life, thanked him for sharing them, and finished by telling him that I believed he was embodying Christ. I wish I could have said more, but there was a line, I was nervous, and I did not want to monopolize his time. However, I am glad that I could say what was most important. I do believe that he is embodying Christ, perhaps more than anything else I believe right now.